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Have you ever cried out to the Lord in distress? Often in Psalms David is crying out to God. “Hear my cry O Lord, listen to my prayer. From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faith; lead me to the rock that is higher than I.” (Ps 61:1-2). This is a call I made recently from a place of darkness and close to despair. I felt like the men caught in the mine collapse, waiting for the air to run out or for someone to rescue them. I think of the Chilean mine disaster. Psalm 20 begins, “May the Lord answer you when you are in distress.”
For me, it was an intense two years under the pressure of
the collapse of a church that consummated in the summary firing of all the
pastoral staff except me. The two years I served had been ones growing slowly
into darkness and tension as many turned against the pastor and gossiped to
cause cracks, fissures in his ministry and His church. For what? That God’s
church would bleed? That individuals would despair and leave? That the church
would split? I don’t know, but all and
more transpired. It is the evil one’s desire for such splits in churches and
his people.
During this interim period, my faith and strength waned and
darkness grew, as there was not only no encouragement, but also estrangement from
the familiar and all my moorings. I grew
into depression, crying out to God and seeking help from a godly Christian
counselor for light.
My darkness grew until I reached a place where I was
despairing of my life and wanted a way out. I don’t know if any of you have
been there? It is a surreal, painful passion of the heart and mind that does
not find light or direction even as you seek the Lord. This is a dark and deep
tunnel, a mineshaft.
In a disastrous time, all the pastoral staff was forced out
except me. I was numb, overwhelmed. I prayed for guidance. God seemed silent,
but also seemed to be saying, “stay for the survivors.”
Through the following months, I stayed, submitted and
remained under the strain. I served in pain and anxiety, fearing for life. I
preached, counseled, visited hospitals and presided at funerals. But not until
Pentecost did the dark become light. As I stood in the front row of our
sanctuary during Sunday services almost in a fog, I was reminded of the gift of
the Holy Spirit to and in us. As the words from Acts 2 were read, I was
overwhelmed by the Holy Spirit, coming down on me. His warmth and healing power
filled me from head to toe. I felt enraptured in God’s healing love. I was
soaking wet and trembling. The other pastor standing beside me noticed and
asked if I was all right? I responded that I was in ecstasy as God had healed
me.
After the service the clear presence of God’s hand on me
stayed and spoke. God made clear to me as James 1:2-4 relates that I had
remained under the trial, I had obeyed and submitted to him and persevered. He
had tested my faith to make me more mature and complete. He did, “send help from the sanctuary and grant me
support” (Ps 20:2). He remembered my
sacrifices and accepted my burnt offering; he had given me the desire of my
heart and made all my plans succeed. I could shout for joy in victory and lift
up banners in the name of our God. He had granted my request and anointed me and
answered me from heaven with the saving power of his right hand (vv.3-6). Yes, I could rise up and stand firm. He
answered me when I called. Like the Chilean miners, he had lifted us from
darkness into His light.
God made clear to me that I had stayed under and now I was
free to leave my call to pursue new pursuits that he would make clear to me. I
did resign in his freeing and healing actions.
Members of the church thanked me for my being an anchor for them in a
rough sea. I never felt that, but somehow God had stood within or before me to
show his faithfulness. And that’s why my next assignment has been to write my
book and present this blog, “Great is God’s Faithfulness.”
Submit and obey and find someone to help you
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