I recently was talking with a brother (chaplain) in Christ
about the naming of a medical facility. I was apparently pretty vehement about
what it would be named. Anyway, he said to me, “Why is it always conflict with
you?” This statement was convicting. But later in the day it became much worse
when he again mentioned the conflict concept and told me that, “you are always
confrontational.” I was convicted to the
core. In fact I was broken and spiritually shaken inside and out. I did not
react, like I would have for most of my previous life. As this man, a chaplain, was someone I deeply
respected, I told him that I was considering that I was unfit to continue as a
chaplain and should contemplate resignation. As we talked I was fighting back
tears. I told him that with his proclamation all my foundations had been
cracked asunder.
My “friend” stared at me with piercing and unrelenting eyes
that frightened me palpably. I was ready to take my leave. I could not argue,
there was no sense in it. In fact, we were standing in the most public part of
the hospital where families anxiously awaited news of their loved ones coming
from surgery. I felt as if I had just received the surgeon’s life changing word
that my loved one had perished. The confrontation between us had been worsened
by the fact that a third chaplain had been present in our tiny office for part
of this battle that would leave no prisoners.
I told my friend that I had grown up in an alcoholic family;
with a bipolar mother whose early Alzheimer’s made her for me an uncertain time
bomb causing me great anxiety. I had barely survived my childhood, resulting in
my own anorexia and turning early to alcohol to cope. Suicidal thoughts were
not foreign to me.
It seems that my “friend” was beginning to recognize that
he had assaulted me. I don’t know if he recognized any doubt in his hard, and perhaps
over reaction. I had obviously pushed buttons in him. Tears began to show in his eyes. He explained
that he had a weakness of intimidating and verbally assaulting people. In fact,
he told me that he had once been asked to apologize to a college Dean after tearing
them a new wound in public. I listened, trembling slightly as he explained and
related his own story. He apologized for his behavior and asked for prayer,
beginning by praying for Satan to be gone from our conversation and
relationship. We prayed for reconciliation. Jesus teaches, “Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there
remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the
altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and
offer your gift” (Matthew
5:23-24). God takes this pretty seriously, don’t leave hurts unhealed, it is a
grave sin. Paul also said, “Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught
in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may
be tempted” (Galatians 6:1).
I will
say as we both prayed that a new atmosphere began to take away the fear and
anxiety that I was feeling. I was still shaken and continued to relive the
trauma during the day and night, including nightmares that caused a very
restless night. I awoke in the morning heading for my secret prayer chair in
the basement where I poured out my pain and need for healing and forgiveness.
God is bathing me in His love as I write. Proverbs 27:6 says, “The
wounds of a friend are faithful.” This
is a spiritual truth that seems paradoxical like many in Scripture.
Additionally, the two of us quoted Proverbs 27:17, “As iron sharpens iron, one man
sharpens another.” This is the
Scripture verse of the once great men’s ministry of “Promise Keepers,” designed
to bring men closer to God in conviction and faith. I know the truth of this strong admonition. God is good and even if He allows wounding, He
is also the great Healer. Our valleys
are meant for lessons that will hurt, but He will anoint and bind up what He
has torn. Praise be to God.
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Thanks for sharing your thoughts.