I recently read a novel called The Underside of Joy. This story took place in Northern California
based on a woman marrying a divorced man with two young children. They lead a
peaceful life enjoying the beauty of the region and the children finding love
even after a difficult abandonment by their mother and death of their father.
Great pain comes through real and metaphorical deaths. Yet in the end a crisis
brings a new reality of shared suffering causing healing to occur. This is also
a biblical theme through Jesus’ resurrection. Even in Malachi 4:2 we read, “For
you who revere my name, the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in its
wings.” Often life is full of difficulties that eventually work out for
believers as Romans 8:28 tells us saying that God is working all things
together for good for those who love the Lord and are called according to His
purpose.
The Apostle Paul endured beatings and shipwrecks, stoning
and imprisonment as he pursued his calling to witness of the gospel. Have you
experienced anything like that? I have. The providence of God was working out
these trials for his good and God’s glory. Hosea 2:15 says, “I’ll turn Heartbreak Valley into
Acres (or the gateway) of Hope” (The Message Paraphrased). This is the message that Paul
shared wherever he traveled.
I have written at length about my life’s adventures and Gods
place in them, even if I didn’t understand His purpose at the time. It seemed
that He was using survival through Alaskan wolf attacks, auto accidents, plane
crashes and tumbles down waterfalls to keep me alive for His purposes when I
was not yet a Christ follower. However, I now see His hand in it and several
other stories I will now share.
“Death to Life”
The preface in my 2014 book Great is Gods Faithfulness, speaks of God’s Word Living Through Us. This is the story of my life and
death struggle resulting from a tick bite. My frozen joints, high fever, and
headaches led physicians at the University of Virginia Medical Center to tell
me that I was dying from an undiagnosed blood borne cancer, or immune-depressive
disease. They sent me home on a dangerously high prescription of Cipro® from which I had a severe adverse reaction. That
night while lying in my sweat soaked bed, unable to move, I prayed aloud Psalm
103 saying, “Praise the Lord and forget not all His benefits, who forgives all your
sins and heals all your diseases.” As these words were cried out to
God, hot oil-like warmth came over me from head to toe bringing God’s complete
healing. His word will not return void but will accomplish His purposes as
Isaiah 55 promises us.
This experience confirmed my plan to complete seminary and
become a hospital chaplain to care for people in crisis. Upon returning to
Milwaukee I would obtain a consulting gig that would lead me to become the
first chaplain for Aurora Psychiatric Hospital. However, I was to have another
life altering experience while still in Virginia.
“Dark to Light”
On that same assignment in the Blue Ridge, my wife sat me
down and told me that I was negative about everything. In fact she said that
she could not take it any longer. This was a frightening ultimatum. I am blessed to report that these strong words
brought a transformational change that has been a light in the darkness and joy
in the morning. Her not so subtle words were life changing and a blessing to my
life outlook.
“Holy Spirit Healing”
God soon also used an intense implosion of a large church
congregation to bring healing to me through severe depression that almost took
my life. A desperate request from the senior pastor caused me to leave
chaplaincy work to take the congregational care position at my church for a
season. However, soon I was the only pastor left standing after the senior
pastor’s abuses had brought a schism and ousting of all other clergy. I
preached, taught, and counseled broken members still standing after hundreds
had abandoned ship in acrid anger and torn fabric. It was too much for me, but
God was present. On Pentecost in 2012, as I led worship, Acts 2 was read from
the pulpit. As the dynamic word of God came down speaking of the Holy Spirit’s
dramatic filling, it was so for me. The powerful Spirit once more enfolded me
in His healing power and warm embrace. Joy sourced through me bringing clarity
of thinking, and strength in every part of me. My suit was soaked through and
my face was aglow. The guest pastor standing near me observed the transformation
as I told her that I was in ecstasy. I had submitted under the stress and
stayed beneath His hand. Now He had prepared for me a new assignment. Obedience
releases grace.
“You Failed Retirement”
I announced to the Elder Board that I was retiring as God
had released me from my call. I spent the next few weeks trying to heal fully
and rest in God’s providential love. However, after only six weeks, my wife
announced that I had “failed retirement.” My initial response was anger and
confusion. I was just trying to figure out the next steps when it became
obvious that change was again in the offing. This short-lived retirement has
turned into a blessing as I have returned to my true calling as hospital
chaplain, now for Froedtert and the Medical College of Wisconsin. Here I
encourage and comfort people in crisis. Since I am working part-time, I use other
days for writing and blogging. Even though I abhorred writing my Master’s
thesis in healthcare administration, I now love to write about God’s kingdom
and how to walk in it. My four published books include, This is The Way; Walk in it (Vols. I&II); Hospital Parables:
“Front-Office to Bedside,” and Great is God’s Faithfulness. My blog of the
same title goes worldwide with some 500 people from Ukraine and Russia reading
it weekly along with folks from many other countries. I feel blessed that 10
years earlier another chaplain friend from Roger’s Memorial Hospital had
encouraged me while convalescing from hip surgery to “Do something useful with
your time.” And so I wrote my psalms devotional for small group spiritual care
at Rogers, Great is God’s Faithfulness. Now
finally published in 2014, it has become part of the Roger’s ministry. Bless
you Carol. Being in God’s will brings blessings.
James, Jesus’ brother said, “Consider it pure joy when you
come into trials of diverse kinds, because the testing of your faith develops
perseverance, which must finish its work so that you may mature and compete
lacking nothing” (James 1:2-4). He goes on to say if you don’t know
what to do in the trial that you should ask of God, believing with all your
heart, and He will respond generously with what and how to respond. It seems
that strong statements from women in my life have been important and
transformational.
“When You Drink Your Personality Changes”
Very recently as we sat down to dinner after a long day at
the hospital I had taken a glass of wine to relax. My wife said it seems when
you drink that your personality changes, and not for the better. This was
another life changing word. I grew up in an alcoholic family, starting to mix
my mother’s drinks when I was only 12 years old. I did not drink hard until
college where I became the Beer Chugging Champion; hardly a high honor, excuse
the pun. My father loved wine and so I would too. I tried not to drink during
the workweek with limited success. I tried abstinence a few times and only
returned to more regular imbibing. Wine is a mocker and beer a brawler Proverbs
20:1 admonishes. It is true. It is a stumbling block to God honoring behavior.
I recall and replay vividly a recent couple of dramatically
awful evenings with my brother and sister-in-law. We were at our home for a birthday
celebration and my brother had provided a very costly bottle of wine. After consuming the outstanding Pinot Noir
together and opening a buttery Chardonnay, I was well on my way to feeling
nothing good. Like my alcoholic mother before me, I was transforming from light
to dark again.
After receiving what I have considered condescending orders
from my sister-in-law again, something I had endured for over 30-years as the
younger and less intellectual brother-in-law, I had had it. I yelled, “Stop
your condescension” and went on to dramatically lambast her in the presence of
my brother and wife. The dam(n) had broken open like the spillways in
California. Damage was done and relationships broken. Even though I have
written an apology note seeking forgiveness, it has not been received. The only
response has been, “nice note,” and my brother very angrily telling me “she is
angry.” Well, this is not good for a
witness and especially to a Christian testimony. I realize that I might be becoming what I
hated in my mother. I have prayed and written and meditated and now have a
clear guidance from God that I must stop drinking. Paul said, “Everything
is permissible-but not all things are beneficial” (1 Corinthians
10:23). I have committed to the Lord my vow and shared with my accountability
brother, my wife and two other close friends. This is a public expression of
brokenness and desire for change. Again Pam’s words have become a blessing. The
Lord is my strength.
"Random"
As you have read, I am a Christian writer. I have had the privilege
of working with a Christian Publisher, Caritas, and a Christian editor. My
editor works with our Spiritual Care department at the hospital, so I have seen
her almost daily. Since I decided not to publish any more books, but only blog
at this time, I am no longer utilizing my editor’s skills, except just to send
her my essays. However, very recently during our usual morning greetings she
said in a harsh voice, “Do you ever look critically at your writing, it is so
random.” The words were direct and not only a surprise but very disturbing. I
took a few days break from writing and then decided to continue to write as God
was continuing to give clear guidance on that. I am not writing towards
publishing another book, and not sending my editor any more writings. Perhaps
this is good as I have only sold about 250 copies and my wife also wants no
more books as we have lost some $10,000 on the work. I know that many readers
have been positively influenced by the work, and I still have a blog with over
5,000 readers so far.
Writing Christians essays and books in an anti-Christian
nation is risky. I will take that risk that someone’s life might be
transformed. I will head the voices of
people who hopefully have my best in mind. As well, I will watch for the "randomness" of my works. “The joy of the Lord is my strength” (Nehemiah
8:10).
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Thanks for sharing your thoughts.